I need a break!!
Need to take a time out from thing called 'husband search.'
A break. A time out. A long hibernation.
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After meeting (knowing?!) several scammers and man who's searching for a
second wife, I finally found a man who's single and not a scammer
although the thought that he's a scammer crossed in my mind, once. I
told him that and I think he won't allow me to forget that -since he
mention it several times-.
As I wrote this post - I mean drafting it on my cell before post it- I already stop communicating with him. I finally give up. The ironic was, when I made my mind -yesterday- and today when I drafted this, I was listening to Jason Miraz's 'I won't give up'. Ironic right?
I give after about 2 week of communication. So soon?? Well to tell you my friends, it's been an exhausted weeks.
He's 44 but yet so childish. He wanted fully attention. I mean, he easily make his conclusion on something without asking 1st. For example, when I was late in replying his message then he's simply think that I'm not into him and busy with man in my list. Or the other night when he called me while I was talking with a friend who unfortunately got a miscarriage, without asking 1st what's occupied me, he just think that I'm too busy for him. Gosh!! Childish and demanding right?!
At 1st I though all demanding issues is because he's a boss who had 40 staff -well, he said that he's a boss- so I just try to understand. It happened again and again and when I finally had enough, I just pointed it out and he even angrier.
Not that's not all. He accusing me with lots of thing. He called me selfish, player and that's only because I didn't or can't do what he wishes from me.
Worst part is I THINKI fall in love with him. Crazy isn't it?!? You may call me stupid or idiot but I can't deny what I feel. So before it grows bigger while I can't see that there's a hope in this relationship, I think what best is take a step backward.
He said he love me, but yet.. That love don't stop him from accusing me and make his own conclusion about me. Love don't make him more understanding to what I have in mind. So I think our love is just not at the same page.
I can't stop him or change him but I can do that to myself. I can stop myself from being abused verbally. For that, I need to stay away and draw the distance.
Last night, around midnight I send my last reply to all his nasty words. He send me several text around 7pm, I reply some but yet his words became worst, he accusing me many things. If I reply it right away, I'll reply it with anger and not with common sense. So I just wait until my head was cooled. On my way home from work, I got my AHA moment. This just popped out from my head. Why bother explaining things to a person who don't wanna listen?! Why letting my self hurt feel hurt because of the words from someone who just know me and barely know nothing about me?? So just let it be. The important is that I know, Allah knows, my family and inner circle know that I'm not that kind of person that he accused me to.
With this peace in my head, I reply his text. I told him that his words no longer hurt me because I know what I've done and nothing in his words define me. I think... In his text he's talking about someone else. Maybe someone from the past. Or maybe.... Himself. You know... You can't accusing someone (like he did to me) in such a details you never been in the situation. I wish him the best in his search.
Then I fall to sleep.
I woke up with 3 messages from him (from 3 different number because he NEVER text me from his own number. He text me from server). Seems that the texts arrived while I was sleeping. I decided to just delete without reading it. I want my morning to be happy and full of positive air.
I went to work without knowing what he wrote.
07.58am.
I'm still on train when his text arrived. I just smile and thinking 'what now??' And by the way, he's still texting me from server. Should I delete it again? Well... I decided to read it.
1st text
salam i send u thi sms NOT to tell u come back to me.just to say sorry.i really was offend so apologize and sorry i forgive u too goodbye and sorry once [Receiving Text]
2nd text
[Receiving Text]again for disturb have good day
;) seems that my decision to just delete his previous text was right anyway. I mean... Only GOD's know how bad his words will be when he felt offended.
And now.... Time to move on. Well... Actually time to hibernate. To take a step back from this search. When I started talking to him, I freeze my profile in Q and I think I'll keep it that way for now.
It's time to hibernate.
As I wrote this post - I mean drafting it on my cell before post it- I already stop communicating with him. I finally give up. The ironic was, when I made my mind -yesterday- and today when I drafted this, I was listening to Jason Miraz's 'I won't give up'. Ironic right?
I give after about 2 week of communication. So soon?? Well to tell you my friends, it's been an exhausted weeks.
He's 44 but yet so childish. He wanted fully attention. I mean, he easily make his conclusion on something without asking 1st. For example, when I was late in replying his message then he's simply think that I'm not into him and busy with man in my list. Or the other night when he called me while I was talking with a friend who unfortunately got a miscarriage, without asking 1st what's occupied me, he just think that I'm too busy for him. Gosh!! Childish and demanding right?!
At 1st I though all demanding issues is because he's a boss who had 40 staff -well, he said that he's a boss- so I just try to understand. It happened again and again and when I finally had enough, I just pointed it out and he even angrier.
Not that's not all. He accusing me with lots of thing. He called me selfish, player and that's only because I didn't or can't do what he wishes from me.
Worst part is I THINKI fall in love with him. Crazy isn't it?!? You may call me stupid or idiot but I can't deny what I feel. So before it grows bigger while I can't see that there's a hope in this relationship, I think what best is take a step backward.
He said he love me, but yet.. That love don't stop him from accusing me and make his own conclusion about me. Love don't make him more understanding to what I have in mind. So I think our love is just not at the same page.
I can't stop him or change him but I can do that to myself. I can stop myself from being abused verbally. For that, I need to stay away and draw the distance.
Last night, around midnight I send my last reply to all his nasty words. He send me several text around 7pm, I reply some but yet his words became worst, he accusing me many things. If I reply it right away, I'll reply it with anger and not with common sense. So I just wait until my head was cooled. On my way home from work, I got my AHA moment. This just popped out from my head. Why bother explaining things to a person who don't wanna listen?! Why letting my self hurt feel hurt because of the words from someone who just know me and barely know nothing about me?? So just let it be. The important is that I know, Allah knows, my family and inner circle know that I'm not that kind of person that he accused me to.
With this peace in my head, I reply his text. I told him that his words no longer hurt me because I know what I've done and nothing in his words define me. I think... In his text he's talking about someone else. Maybe someone from the past. Or maybe.... Himself. You know... You can't accusing someone (like he did to me) in such a details you never been in the situation. I wish him the best in his search.
Then I fall to sleep.
I woke up with 3 messages from him (from 3 different number because he NEVER text me from his own number. He text me from server). Seems that the texts arrived while I was sleeping. I decided to just delete without reading it. I want my morning to be happy and full of positive air.
I went to work without knowing what he wrote.
07.58am.
I'm still on train when his text arrived. I just smile and thinking 'what now??' And by the way, he's still texting me from server. Should I delete it again? Well... I decided to read it.
1st text
salam i send u thi sms NOT to tell u come back to me.just to say sorry.i really was offend so apologize and sorry i forgive u too goodbye and sorry once [Receiving Text]
2nd text
[Receiving Text]again for disturb have good day
;) seems that my decision to just delete his previous text was right anyway. I mean... Only GOD's know how bad his words will be when he felt offended.
And now.... Time to move on. Well... Actually time to hibernate. To take a step back from this search. When I started talking to him, I freeze my profile in Q and I think I'll keep it that way for now.
It's time to hibernate.
Hugs,
