'NO' Seems to be the Hardest Word

Shocking! Confusing!

I got a wedding proposal from one of the man from SM. Although the main purpose of joining that site is to found a soul mate, a husband, but receiving proposal from a man I barely knew was quite shocking. Especially when the man was asking it through a mail.

And what did I do then?

Well, remember my previous post about how these man (being contacted by various kind of man) makes me recognize my own feelings? About how they (somehow) makes me have a clearer vision about what I want in life. It really did. I mean, despite that I was shocked because of the proposal, I actually already know what my answer will be.

The answer is No.

Knowing it didn't make it easier to say though.

It's still a hardest thing to do.

A lot of reason make this word so hard to say. I mean, so far he's the nicest man I know from that site. I don't say that the other was bad. Lets just say that I'm comfortable talking to him than the other. If I feel comfort then why say No?!


Like I said earlier, for these past 3 month on SM I realized that I don't feel that I can manage having relationship with some one much older than me. Much much older. Okay.. he's around my dad's age. So it's hard for me for not considering him as my dad or my dad's friend or at least as my uncle. Although I've heard and read about some issues that might or will appear when you married an older man such as health issue, the truth is I don't really think about that. All I think is the fact that I've lost my dad's love for almost a decade and I came into stage that I don't want to find a substitute for that. I mean, I don't mind at all to have an older man for my future husband. Even my dad was 10 years older than my mom and the fact that they're not together now is had nothing to with the age differences (at least that's what I believe). But having a man who's 36 year older than me?! I don't think I can handle that.

Besides.. with that age, I believe that having another baby is not in his list while baby is the important thing in my list so for short, we're not in the same page. Better for me to say No even when No seems to be the hardest word.

What happen then?!

Hard but it's not impossible to say and I already did it. And I feel so relieved.

Thanks GOD. Alhamdulillah... he totally understand. Hmm.. seems that age to do have some kind of good relation with your wisdom afterall ;). Anyway.. he can accept my decision. So glad with that. After all, I'm joining that site not for hurting anyone -at least not on purpose- nor to playing around. That phase was passed. Funny thing is... since he can't have me (that what he said) then he asked for my favor in case I know someone who willing to marry him, he wants me to let him know.

Can't and wont promise him anything but yet.. I'll see if I can help him found his soul mate ;)


Kisses & Hugs, 

The Widower

Remember my previous post about my ikhtiar in finding my Prince Charming?? Well.. I haven't found any, although there're several man messaging me (they falling one by one during the journey)  and we mailed each other, but yet.. way too soon to make any conclusion in anyway. I just hoped for the best and prepared myself for the worst. But that's not the thing I wanna share to you today. It's something else.

Joining that site and receiving several messages from various type of man was like an opening eye for me. Those man are really different from one to another. Not only their physical appearance and race but also their age, their job and off-course their marital status. From single, divorced, up to widower (with and without kids).

source

1st 2 month

I know.. I just post about my 'crazy action' about an hour ago. But actually, I've been in that site for about 2 month. Yeah... I just to busy to write it down here. *sigh*

So... what happened this past month?!?

Here we go...

So far.. I got 8 messages on my inbox. The age range is between 30 - 73. Yeahh... I got 73 yo man interested in my profile. Only ALLAH knows why. Anyway... I didn't reply to all of them. I mean, I do reply their message but I'm not always said yes to their intention. First, I think it's not appropriate to answer introduction to more than a man at the same time. After all in most profile, we all were in that site for serious relationship. So I can only answer to 1 man at a time and see where it goes. 

Now... the question is.. How is it going so far??

Fortunately, I still have no luck at all ^_^. So far, I was talking with 3 man. Yes .. 3. But I do stick to my rules. One at a time. The 1st one is a widowed journalist with a daughter. He's soooo.... I don't know to explain. Well.. He message me first, then I reply. Then no answer for a week. When he finally reply it again, his mail was shocking. His answer is just like I already agree to have relation with him. So for me it's kinda shocking and bit scary. You may laugh at me coz being so serious. But it's just my nature. Especially for things related to my future. Anyway.. I mailed him again and try to explain things, and yet.. his reply is still the same. Even worst, he said that he'll come to visit me after finishing his assignment. Arrgghh!! So crazy. My last mail to him was simple. I just said that I'm confused to his mail especially to his plan on visiting me. Anyway... he hasn't reply anything yet. 

2nd man was seems nice. He send simple n funny message, we chat for few days and during those days, he's telling me about his good intention to have serious relation with me. Kinda comforting actually. I mean, he never say anything too sweet. He just telling me his serious intention, his family background and what he's searching from a woman. That seems normal, right?! Well.. things turned up side down so quickly as soon as I mailed him about my condition. About my parent separation, about me who still have no degree and more. Am I sad? Well.. a little. But honestly, it's not the rejection whom makes me sad. It's about the fact that he's not brave enough to say it directly to me (whether through mail or chat). He just disappear. Puff just like that. He didn't mail me back, and his ym always in offline mode. Only God's know whether he's truly offline or just appeared invisible. And by the way.. I can't see his profile on that site also. I just don't get it. I mean.. he said  that he's a police but yet he's action really not showing him as a gentleman. *sigh again*

The 3rd man... maybe I'll tell you some other time. 

I admitted, these experience almost make me fall and questioning myself. Thanks to Allah... I get over it soon and ready to next journey. 

Well... just like they say...

Love....