The Widower

Remember my previous post about my ikhtiar in finding my Prince Charming?? Well.. I haven't found any, although there're several man messaging me (they falling one by one during the journey)  and we mailed each other, but yet.. way too soon to make any conclusion in anyway. I just hoped for the best and prepared myself for the worst. But that's not the thing I wanna share to you today. It's something else.

Joining that site and receiving several messages from various type of man was like an opening eye for me. Those man are really different from one to another. Not only their physical appearance and race but also their age, their job and off-course their marital status. From single, divorced, up to widower (with and without kids).

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I'd Better be Alone

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I found this quote on Pinterest today and it's remind me of my bff's situation now. The story was... 

She had this relationship with a man for about 2,5 years. I've met him several times and he seems nice. Although there's something about him which I don't really like. And since I can't explain it plus I'm not the one who's in relationship with him, so I just ignore that feeling. As long as my bff happy with him then I'll be happy for her. Besides, who am I anyway?!?

Time goes by... I thought that they're good. I mean, she never share bad things about their relationship. In fact, she mentioned about getting married soon. She said that he already talked about getting married. So... despite of my sad feeling of being left alone, I DO HAPPY for her. She deserve all the best that universe can provide :)

I thought that they'll soon to be married and having their own family. But yet, life is not always like a fairy tale. For this past year, they often fighting and didn't talk for at least a week. 

I remember last May when we met to celebrate my B'day at a restaurant in a mall near to our office. Instead of celebrating me being 30 *sigh* we end up talking about her relationship. And few months after that, and same thing happened this month. They didn't talk again for almost 2 weeks. GOSH!!

You must be wondering, what's the problem. Right?!?

So.. the problem is.. even after having relationship for about 2.5 years, my bff STILL don't know where he work. He said that he's a consultant for mining company. But never say anything about the company name, the address, the phone number. Kinda weird isn't it?!?! We even think that he might be a spy or bounty hunter or something like that. I mean, you said you wanna have a serious relationship, you even talk about getting marriage, but yet you didn't tell much about your work etc?!?! 

He promised my friend that he'll take him to his work -at least to a spot where she can see that he really join that office-. They already arrange the trip -since the office is out of town-, my friend already take a few day off from her office  but he always and always cancel it on the very last minute. So what do you think about him?!?!?

For me, in my simplest way of thinking, I just see him as an irresponsible man. I mean, he already made a promise (more than once) and he keep avoiding to keep it. And when my friend got angry, he wont say a thing. He just keep in silence. Then when my friend to angry to say anything, he keep shut his mouth. Then they wont talk for days -even week-. 

My friend will wondering, then missed him, then cry, then start to text him. Within few days, they'll get along again, and he never say anything or explain on what already happened. After a few month, somehow.. something will happened and they back to square one.

GOSH!!

I wish my friend will be brave enough to do something this time. I mean.. OFF COURSE I don't want them to break up, that's for sure. But stay in this situation is not good either for them. Well, not good and not healthy for the sake of my best friend's sanity. 

I remember few weeks a go I asked her, what makes her stay in this situation. And please.. don't say because I LOVE HIM. She finally tell me that other than those 3 magic word, she's afraid to be alone.  It really surprised me. We've been friend for more than a decade and I always see her as a strong and independent woman. And now.. I see the other side of her.

For me.. I'd better be alone than be with a man who can't keep his promise, who can't show me his true color. I believe that I deserve to have more than just empty promises. Especially when I already work hard to make this relation work. And I saw how hard she work on this relationship.

I know.. it would so hard to let go a man that you loved with your heart. She might cries a little -ok, maybe cry a lot- when I broke up with him. But it's better to cry now than later (when the relation getting deeper). Besides, just like Paulo Coehlo said:

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Listening to my best friend's problem and seeing her dealing with it day by day makes me have a (more) clear sight about what I WANT and NEED from a creature called man.

I want my man to be responsible for every word, every action he said and done. I need him to be truth not only to me or to other but the most important is to himself. Coz if he can't be truth to himself how can he be truth to others?!? 

Now.. let's just wait till he appears. And while waiting for him.. I'll make improvement to myself to.