1st 2 month

I know.. I just post about my 'crazy action' about an hour ago. But actually, I've been in that site for about 2 month. Yeah... I just to busy to write it down here. *sigh*

So... what happened this past month?!?

Here we go...

So far.. I got 8 messages on my inbox. The age range is between 30 - 73. Yeahh... I got 73 yo man interested in my profile. Only ALLAH knows why. Anyway... I didn't reply to all of them. I mean, I do reply their message but I'm not always said yes to their intention. First, I think it's not appropriate to answer introduction to more than a man at the same time. After all in most profile, we all were in that site for serious relationship. So I can only answer to 1 man at a time and see where it goes. 

Now... the question is.. How is it going so far??

Fortunately, I still have no luck at all ^_^. So far, I was talking with 3 man. Yes .. 3. But I do stick to my rules. One at a time. The 1st one is a widowed journalist with a daughter. He's soooo.... I don't know to explain. Well.. He message me first, then I reply. Then no answer for a week. When he finally reply it again, his mail was shocking. His answer is just like I already agree to have relation with him. So for me it's kinda shocking and bit scary. You may laugh at me coz being so serious. But it's just my nature. Especially for things related to my future. Anyway.. I mailed him again and try to explain things, and yet.. his reply is still the same. Even worst, he said that he'll come to visit me after finishing his assignment. Arrgghh!! So crazy. My last mail to him was simple. I just said that I'm confused to his mail especially to his plan on visiting me. Anyway... he hasn't reply anything yet. 

2nd man was seems nice. He send simple n funny message, we chat for few days and during those days, he's telling me about his good intention to have serious relation with me. Kinda comforting actually. I mean, he never say anything too sweet. He just telling me his serious intention, his family background and what he's searching from a woman. That seems normal, right?! Well.. things turned up side down so quickly as soon as I mailed him about my condition. About my parent separation, about me who still have no degree and more. Am I sad? Well.. a little. But honestly, it's not the rejection whom makes me sad. It's about the fact that he's not brave enough to say it directly to me (whether through mail or chat). He just disappear. Puff just like that. He didn't mail me back, and his ym always in offline mode. Only God's know whether he's truly offline or just appeared invisible. And by the way.. I can't see his profile on that site also. I just don't get it. I mean.. he said  that he's a police but yet he's action really not showing him as a gentleman. *sigh again*

The 3rd man... maybe I'll tell you some other time. 

I admitted, these experience almost make me fall and questioning myself. Thanks to Allah... I get over it soon and ready to next journey. 

Well... just like they say...

Love....

Something called 'Ikhtiar'

People said that if we want something in our life, then we have to try everything we could to make it happen. And I did. I even try things that out of my imaginary. Things that I would never do normally, but I did it anyway. In my country, we called it Ikhtiar. 

The craziest thing that I did, is to join a Muslim Introduction Agency (Site). Yes!! I joined a site  to find a future husband for myself. *sigh*. Honestly, this is so not me. But a friend of mine encouraging me to do this since one of our friend found a success and finally got married few month ago. 

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So here I am, registering my name and sitting behind a computer searching for my future Imaam. Still can't believe it, but hey!! It's the 21th century after all. I really don't know what to expect here. Just crossed my fingers and hoping for the best. 

PS. I registered few weeks ago and will post about it soon. 

I'd Better be Alone

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I found this quote on Pinterest today and it's remind me of my bff's situation now. The story was... 

She had this relationship with a man for about 2,5 years. I've met him several times and he seems nice. Although there's something about him which I don't really like. And since I can't explain it plus I'm not the one who's in relationship with him, so I just ignore that feeling. As long as my bff happy with him then I'll be happy for her. Besides, who am I anyway?!?

Time goes by... I thought that they're good. I mean, she never share bad things about their relationship. In fact, she mentioned about getting married soon. She said that he already talked about getting married. So... despite of my sad feeling of being left alone, I DO HAPPY for her. She deserve all the best that universe can provide :)

I thought that they'll soon to be married and having their own family. But yet, life is not always like a fairy tale. For this past year, they often fighting and didn't talk for at least a week. 

I remember last May when we met to celebrate my B'day at a restaurant in a mall near to our office. Instead of celebrating me being 30 *sigh* we end up talking about her relationship. And few months after that, and same thing happened this month. They didn't talk again for almost 2 weeks. GOSH!!

You must be wondering, what's the problem. Right?!?

So.. the problem is.. even after having relationship for about 2.5 years, my bff STILL don't know where he work. He said that he's a consultant for mining company. But never say anything about the company name, the address, the phone number. Kinda weird isn't it?!?! We even think that he might be a spy or bounty hunter or something like that. I mean, you said you wanna have a serious relationship, you even talk about getting marriage, but yet you didn't tell much about your work etc?!?! 

He promised my friend that he'll take him to his work -at least to a spot where she can see that he really join that office-. They already arrange the trip -since the office is out of town-, my friend already take a few day off from her office  but he always and always cancel it on the very last minute. So what do you think about him?!?!?

For me, in my simplest way of thinking, I just see him as an irresponsible man. I mean, he already made a promise (more than once) and he keep avoiding to keep it. And when my friend got angry, he wont say a thing. He just keep in silence. Then when my friend to angry to say anything, he keep shut his mouth. Then they wont talk for days -even week-. 

My friend will wondering, then missed him, then cry, then start to text him. Within few days, they'll get along again, and he never say anything or explain on what already happened. After a few month, somehow.. something will happened and they back to square one.

GOSH!!

I wish my friend will be brave enough to do something this time. I mean.. OFF COURSE I don't want them to break up, that's for sure. But stay in this situation is not good either for them. Well, not good and not healthy for the sake of my best friend's sanity. 

I remember few weeks a go I asked her, what makes her stay in this situation. And please.. don't say because I LOVE HIM. She finally tell me that other than those 3 magic word, she's afraid to be alone.  It really surprised me. We've been friend for more than a decade and I always see her as a strong and independent woman. And now.. I see the other side of her.

For me.. I'd better be alone than be with a man who can't keep his promise, who can't show me his true color. I believe that I deserve to have more than just empty promises. Especially when I already work hard to make this relation work. And I saw how hard she work on this relationship.

I know.. it would so hard to let go a man that you loved with your heart. She might cries a little -ok, maybe cry a lot- when I broke up with him. But it's better to cry now than later (when the relation getting deeper). Besides, just like Paulo Coehlo said:

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Listening to my best friend's problem and seeing her dealing with it day by day makes me have a (more) clear sight about what I WANT and NEED from a creature called man.

I want my man to be responsible for every word, every action he said and done. I need him to be truth not only to me or to other but the most important is to himself. Coz if he can't be truth to himself how can he be truth to others?!? 

Now.. let's just wait till he appears. And while waiting for him.. I'll make improvement to myself to.

1st Post

My 1st post here. 

Still have no idea for now but I do wanna post something.

Silly right?!?!