Hibernate

I need a break!!
Need to take a time out from thing called 'husband search.'
A break. A time out. A long hibernation.

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After meeting (knowing?!) several scammers and man who's searching for a second wife, I finally found a man who's single and not a scammer although the thought that he's a scammer crossed in my mind, once. I told him that and I think he won't allow me to forget that -since he mention it several times-.

As I wrote this post - I mean drafting it on my cell before post it- I already stop communicating with him. I finally give up. The ironic was, when I made my mind -yesterday- and today when I drafted this, I was listening to Jason Miraz's 'I won't give up'. Ironic right?

I give after about 2 week of communication. So soon?? Well to tell you my friends, it's been an exhausted weeks.

He's 44 but yet so childish. He wanted fully attention. I mean, he easily make his conclusion on something without asking 1st. For example, when I was late in replying his message then he's simply think that I'm not into him and busy with man in my list. Or the other night when he called me while I was talking with a friend who unfortunately got a miscarriage, without asking 1st what's occupied me, he just think that I'm too busy for him. Gosh!!  Childish and demanding right?!

At 1st I though all demanding issues is because he's a boss who had 40 staff -well, he said that he's a boss- so I just try to understand. It happened again and again and when I finally had enough, I just pointed it out and he even angrier.

Not that's not all. He accusing me with lots of thing. He called me selfish, player and that's only because I didn't or can't do what he wishes from me.

Worst part is I THINKI fall in love with him. Crazy isn't it?!? You may call me stupid or idiot but I can't deny what I feel. So before it grows bigger while I can't see that there's a hope in this relationship, I think what best is take a step backward.

He said he love me, but yet.. That love don't stop him from accusing me and make his own conclusion about me. Love don't make him more understanding to what I have in mind. So I think our love is just not at the same page.

I can't stop him or change him but I can do that to myself. I can stop myself from being abused verbally. For that, I need to stay away and draw the distance.

Last night, around midnight I send my last reply to all his nasty words. He send me several text around 7pm, I reply some but yet his words became worst, he accusing me many things. If I reply it right away, I'll reply it with anger and not with common sense. So I just wait until my head was cooled. On my way home from work, I got my AHA moment. This just popped out from my head. Why bother explaining things to a person who don't wanna listen?! Why letting my self hurt feel hurt because of the words from someone who just know me and barely know nothing about me?? So just let it be. The important is that I know, Allah knows, my family and inner circle know that I'm not that kind of person that he accused me to.

With this peace in my head, I reply his text. I told him that his words no longer hurt me because I know what I've done and nothing in his words define me. I think... In his text he's talking about someone else. Maybe someone from the past. Or maybe.... Himself. You know... You can't accusing someone (like he did to me) in such a details you never been in the situation. I wish him the best in his search.

Then I fall to sleep.

I woke up with 3 messages from him (from 3 different number because he NEVER text me from his own number. He text me from server). Seems that the texts arrived while I was sleeping. I decided to just delete without reading it. I want my morning to be happy and full of positive air.

I went to work without knowing what he wrote. 

07.58am.
I'm still on train when his text arrived. I just smile and thinking 'what now??' And by the way, he's still texting me from server. Should I delete it again? Well... I decided to read it.

1st text
salam i send u thi sms NOT to tell u come back to me.just to say sorry.i really was offend so apologize and sorry i forgive u too goodbye and sorry once [Receiving Text]

2nd text
[Receiving Text]again for disturb have good day

;) seems that my decision to just delete his previous text was right anyway. I mean... Only GOD's know how bad his words will be when he felt offended.

And now.... Time to move on. Well... Actually time to hibernate. To take a step back from this search. When I started talking to him, I freeze my profile in Q and I think I'll keep it that way for now.

It's time to hibernate.

Hugs,

QIRAN

On Jan 21st, I tried to joined another islamic dating site. QIRAN. Why?? I don't know for sure. Maybe because I already give up on SM since I only found scammer -well except for that one man- there or maybe it's just another curiosity. Is it a mix of both?? I don't know it. All I know is that I already in that site for almost month now.

The site appearance is simpler than SM. Dominated with broken white and (soft?!) orange. Another differences is that I can only see males profile here. Not like in SM where I can see females profile too. Other differences that here, I can choose to search  a man based on his ethnicity and or country of residence. Quite easier than SM then. 

But... you know what is the most difference between those 2 sites?? It's the membership fee. In SM, woman got the privilege and or complimentary for free membership (but you're still allowed and suggested to give donation) to use all the application of that sites while in QIRAN, we have to pay to use some certain application (such as starting the chat and the ability to send email first).

So.. which one is better? Well.. it depends on your personal choice. For me, I prefer QIRAN although I can't do much since I only a 'free member' and my action was limited.

Have I found someone here? Not yet. Well.. I thought I have but reality (do) bites. I'll tell you the details later on. Now I just wanna take break *sigh*

Hugs, 

I Think I've Met Scammers

Gosh!!
I never thought that I will ever wrote about this thing called 'scammers'.

Honestly!! I mean.. never crossed in my mind that they will appear in religion based dating/introduction site. Hmm.. I think I'm just too naive (or stupid?!?). 

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Okay.. maybe both but alhamdulillah, thanks GOD I still have my common sense. And thank GOD, despite of I really want to get married and have my own family, I still got that logic and suspicious cell in my mind.  

For you who think that a victim of a scammer is dumb, well let me tell you that they're soo damn good in melting woman's heart with sweet and poetic words. Make us believe that we're the one on only, the luckiest gal on earth. I'm not a kind of woman who easily in love but yet.. hearing a good words from a nice man really makes my day. 

I wont considered myself as a victim. NO!! Although that man hasn't ask for any money, but I still belief that he's a scammer. So how can I know that I was talking to a scammer??

Well...

He suddenly fall in love with me after a while. Just after I replying his 1st email then he suddenly told me that he fall for me on the next email.

Lots of grammatical errors. Look.. I'm not from USA or England but I at least my English is better than he who claimed to have HIGH education (Ph.D) and was born and stayed in UK and USA (yes, I've met 2 scammers) for his entire life. Besides... is it normal for a Ph.D holder to make lots of mistake and typo??

Sometimes its hard to get answer from simple question like 'hows the weather there?' because the answer is always 'it's nice'. And he always said 'yes' to my next question about the weather.

Example:

Me: hows the weather there?
S: It's nice.
Me: is it cold?
S: Yes. (suppose the next day I ask, is it windy? the answer will be the same).

No connection at all from one mail to another. Normally, when ever we wrote a mail to someone, he/she will answer our question right? or at least.. that person will be at the same page with us. No our mail and his/her reply would be like a story. Well.. don't expect it that way with a scammer. At least that's one thing I learn from that man from dating site. For me his mail is like something that written by a narcissist. Why?? Because he only talking about HIS feelings, HIS love and what HE want. Never paying attention on what I wrote. Once I tried to asked again the same question that I have ask in my prev. email (which he didn't answer) and try and try again. The result?? BIG ZERO. So.. for short, he just skipped that question over and over again.

What happened now??

Nothing actually. I had enough following his game and now just block him. And maybe... he's tired of me who's asking the same question again and again and again. *EvilGRin* Finally I just blocked him. I even write a mail to the site's admin about it. 

So.. to my beloved sisters who's still on search. Please be careful. I know.. sometimes we feel so desperate in finding our soulmate especially when most of our friends are married. But taking care of our self is a MUST. Protecting our self is a MUST. Keeping our common sense to keep on track is also a MUST.

Now... Good luck with your search as I'm still on with my search.

Kiss and Hugs,

'NO' Seems to be the Hardest Word

Shocking! Confusing!

I got a wedding proposal from one of the man from SM. Although the main purpose of joining that site is to found a soul mate, a husband, but receiving proposal from a man I barely knew was quite shocking. Especially when the man was asking it through a mail.

And what did I do then?

Well, remember my previous post about how these man (being contacted by various kind of man) makes me recognize my own feelings? About how they (somehow) makes me have a clearer vision about what I want in life. It really did. I mean, despite that I was shocked because of the proposal, I actually already know what my answer will be.

The answer is No.

Knowing it didn't make it easier to say though.

It's still a hardest thing to do.

A lot of reason make this word so hard to say. I mean, so far he's the nicest man I know from that site. I don't say that the other was bad. Lets just say that I'm comfortable talking to him than the other. If I feel comfort then why say No?!


Like I said earlier, for these past 3 month on SM I realized that I don't feel that I can manage having relationship with some one much older than me. Much much older. Okay.. he's around my dad's age. So it's hard for me for not considering him as my dad or my dad's friend or at least as my uncle. Although I've heard and read about some issues that might or will appear when you married an older man such as health issue, the truth is I don't really think about that. All I think is the fact that I've lost my dad's love for almost a decade and I came into stage that I don't want to find a substitute for that. I mean, I don't mind at all to have an older man for my future husband. Even my dad was 10 years older than my mom and the fact that they're not together now is had nothing to with the age differences (at least that's what I believe). But having a man who's 36 year older than me?! I don't think I can handle that.

Besides.. with that age, I believe that having another baby is not in his list while baby is the important thing in my list so for short, we're not in the same page. Better for me to say No even when No seems to be the hardest word.

What happen then?!

Hard but it's not impossible to say and I already did it. And I feel so relieved.

Thanks GOD. Alhamdulillah... he totally understand. Hmm.. seems that age to do have some kind of good relation with your wisdom afterall ;). Anyway.. he can accept my decision. So glad with that. After all, I'm joining that site not for hurting anyone -at least not on purpose- nor to playing around. That phase was passed. Funny thing is... since he can't have me (that what he said) then he asked for my favor in case I know someone who willing to marry him, he wants me to let him know.

Can't and wont promise him anything but yet.. I'll see if I can help him found his soul mate ;)


Kisses & Hugs, 

Wedding (Ceremony): Tradition or Religion

About a week ago -during lunch time- me and some of the gals had this conversation about our colleagues wedding ceremony. 2 different wedding with 2 different ceremony except for the part where it was held according to Islamic way, since both of them are Muslim. 

What makes it different with them is that one of them adding traditional ceremony after the akad. The bride's parent are from West Java (Sundanese) while the groom's parent from Bali (Balinese). Each parents want a bit of traditional (cultural) ceremony for the wedding. While my other friend, other than akad, she just having a small party at restaurant.